Blogging > applying for jobs

So, it's been awhile since I updated on the actual mission of this blog. There have been some exciting new developments on the Operation: Double Brothers front over the past few months. There is good and bad news. First, the good: PENO is no more. Chris and PENO have broken up. Chris finally came to her senses and realized that Jon was NOT a Nye let alone my brother. This, obviously, is a great coup for Double Brothers (not that we had anything to do with engineering the breakup...). Now that Jon is no longer PENO, ODB would like to take this opportunity to wish him all the best. A new PENO has yet to be identified but I plan on doing some reconnaissance work over the holidays to identify targets that may need to be eliminated in order for Operation: Double Brothers to be successful.

Now, on to the bad: Daniel had a chance to marry Chris and did not prove himself up to the task. Last week, the family was gathered in Louisville, KY to mourn the passing of Roy E. (Kate and Chris' grandfather). In preparation for the funeral and visitation, family members were gathering pictures to display. The pictures that were selected were mostly of Roy at different phases of his life. However, one side was reserved for family. There quickly appeared to be a trend of including wedding pictures. Chris quickly realized that she, being a spinster and therefore of no worth to society, could not be included. Wanting more than anything to make it onto this portion of the board, Chris texted Dan and offered to marry him the following morning if he came down to Louisville so that she would not be excluded from this prestigious honor. Dan, citing some bullshit about not having a car, claimed he could not make it. Chris vowed that this was the last chance that she would give him but given Daniel's babyface and Chris' horseface, I think she'll soon realize that she's not going to do any better.

That John Denver was full of shit

After our delightful stay in the Mormon City, we began our drive to Denver which took us back through Wyoming. As is often the case on long days of driving, we were forced to stop for gas. About 80 miles after we filled up, the engine malfunction light comes on. Yippee! Kate looks in the owner's manual and learns that this usually indicates a problem with the emissions system.........or that we didn't put the gas cap back on properly. Like I said, it was 80 miles since we had filled up so it seemed unlikely that was the problem. Using our trusty GPS, we found a few Honda dealerships to call to see if our automobile was about to explode. At least two of them turned out to be motorcycle/lawnmower dealers and were no help. Finally we talked to someone who told us that we probably weren't in any immediate danger. Fortunately, we arrived in Denver (Aurora, CO, actually) safe and sound. We had a tame night in the hotel room and went to sleep.

Feeling a bit tired from our adventures in Vegas, Zion and SLC, we essentially decided to waste our time in Denver. We did have a nice picnic lunch in City Park and then took a short drive through downtown but after that we just ran some errands and watched football which we hadn't had an opportunity to do in awhile. So, sorry, Denver.

I bought new running shoes to replace the ones that I decided to leave on the curb in Minneapolis. Equipped with new kicks, I went for my first run in about...........5 months. The combination of being out of shape and running a mile high in elevation kicked my ass. I did two miles and thought I was going to die. Happily, I did not.

In order to cancel out the progress that I had made by running, Kate and I decided to go to Outback Steakhouse (which shared a parking lot with our cheap hotel) for a Blooming Onion (accept no substitutes). We made friends with the bartender, had a couple beers and went home.

We spent Monday morning sitting in a Honda dealership while they fixed our problem. It had something to do with an oxygen sensor and the catalytic converter. I stopped pretending to care about what the actual problem was once I understood the fact that the service would be free because of our warranty. Otherwise, it would have cost over $400. So, it looks like that extra $6 per month was not such a bad choice.

Nugswang!

Our final morning at Zion, we got up and drove east out of the park and saw some really great landscapes. We decided to make an impromptu side trip to Bryce Canyon National Park before heading to Salt Lake City to stay with my cousin, Matthew. This was time well spent. Bryce was incredible and the weather was perfect. We took a short hike on the Navajo Loop Trail which was not very long but was quite steep as we descended among the hoodoos. The trail took us right down into the canyon and gave us perspective as to how large the hoodoos are. They're big. I tried to take a few mental photos as we came out of the canyon because the view was really incredible and the pictures just don't do it justice.

So, following our hike, we headed out of the wilderness towards the booming metropolis of Salt Lake City. This drive featured an experimental stretch of highway where the Utah state government, in its infinite wisdom, is testing an 80 mph speed limit. That was cool.

When we arrived, Matthew had beers waiting for us (which we expected) and also had tickets to an NBA preseason game between the Utah Jazz and the Portland Trailblazers (we didn't expect this). So, after a bit of pregaming, we walked over to the arena to drink in a basketball arena. None of us had been to an NBA game before - preseason or otherwise and it turns out that even in a live setting we're not big fans. The biggest thrills were watching the Nu Skin dancers, the wheelchair basketball game in which the mascot participated and cheated, seeing Greg Oden, getting kicked out of seats that we hadn't paid for and were only marginally better than the ones that we had purchased and fighting for t-shirts that had been shot out of an air cannon.

The next day, our only full day in SLC, we had a full agenda. We saw the library. We walked around the Mormon temple/tabernacle/world domination headquarters and narrowly escaped recruitment. We took a drive into the mountains. We walked up Ensign Peak where the Mormons planned the city (this was billed as a "cakewalk" by Matthew which would have been an accurate description if it didn't gain almost 400 feet of elevation in 1/4 mile) and enjoyed a picnic lunch and a view of the Great Salt Lake in the distance. We watched You Got Served (road trip highlight). We went to a great mexican place for dinner called Red Iguana. We drank beer with a picture of a bear with crazy antlers on the label. We played balderdash. I don't know what more you could ask for.

Matthew's apartment was awesome. It was maybe 300 square feet. Even though there were only three of us, it felt like a huge party. Matthew was a great host and made us delicious english muffin breakfast sandwich and gave us his bed to sleep in. So, I've got no complaints.

We went to Zion National Park

It was really cool. At this point, I really don't know what to say. It was gorgeous. We went on a hike. I stalked a Quebecois family briefly (obvious highlight). We camped and cooked spaghetti. I didn't think that I had made a reservation but it turned out I had...I felt stupid. I want to go back. Here are some pictures.

We went to Hoover Dam on the way.

I suck at blogging.

I knew this would happen. Many times over the past couple weeks I said to myself, "I should update my blog before I forget everything." Did I do that? NO. Ultimately, I guess very few people really care about my lack of blogging or lack of documentation of the road trip. The road trip blog was essentially completely self serving so that I made sure I didn't forget everything. I suppose I've accomplished that given that I did a pretty good job of documenting the first half of the trip (whether it was on time or not). There is still a ton more to tell. I'm going to attempt some diarrhea of the keyboard here and see how far I get.

So, when last I left you, dear readers, the wife and I were leaving Palm Springs to head to Vegas. This was my first time in Las Vegas (or the state of Nevada for that matter [NEW STATE!!!!]) and for many years I had mixed feelings about making the trip. These feelings ranged from being convinced that I could never stand Vegas because of all the fake shit (doesn't the fact that they have all this fake stuff from other places say something about the quality of the actual place?) and all the people who must hate their jobs and all the people selling their souls to casinos for a chance at becoming a millionaire. And then another part of me gets excited about all that stuff.

So, it was with these feelings brewing inside me that we arrived at the Econolodge in Vegas (on Las Vegas Blvd but not technically the strip). There was a pool out front and there was not a body floating in it so things were looking up. Needless to say, this place was quite the contrast from the place we stayed at in Palm Desert. But, it had four walls and a roof and beds so we were not in a position to complain.

Our first night, we headed out to explore the strip a little bit. We parked at the Bellagio where we endured a thorough security check point ("How you folks doing tonight?" "Fine." "Have a good time.") We hit a lot of the highlights: Bellagio, Venetian (fake canal - yay!), Mirage (yay volcano show!) and our personal favorite - TI (formerly known as Treasure Island). TI has apparently shed its once family friendly image in favor of a more risque, sexy and sultry vibe complete with sexy pirate show in the man made lagoon (Sirens' Cove) out front. Kate and I had read in our dorky guide book that the Sirens of TI was laughably bad and not to be missed. So, we waited around playing penny slots for the slated start time. When we walked out to the cove, we were disappointed to learn that the evening's show had been canceled due to weather and some bullshit about not wanting to burn the casino down. So, we went home slightly disappointed and went to bed.

The next morning, we got up and went to get Kate a tattoo in celebration of passing the bar (many things have been done/purchased in celebration of this feat over the last six weeks). While waiting for Kate's tattoo artist (with whom Kate heavily flirted to show that she was a cool tattoo chick), we were lucky enough to witness a fantastic specimen of humanity in the lobby. There was a guy wearing sandals, jeans shorts and a Papa Roach concert t-shirt tucked into the aforementioned jean shorts. Within thirty seconds of arriving and while talking to the receptionist, he pulls a comb out of his back pocket and proceeds to groom himself; slicking his hair back to eliminate any remaining doubt that he is indeed a bad mother fucker. He then proceeds to have a few loud cell phone conversations in the lobby and drops a racial slur in one of them. He was a cool guy, though.

After the tattoo, we were in a Walgreens to buy Kate some unscented soap and lotion with which to clean her wound (the perfumes in scented soaps/lotions can cause irritation) when Kate was approached by a woman. The following conversation took place:

Random Lady: "Oh, wow. Are you just getting that removed or is it new?"

Kate: "I just got it." (Thinking: Well, you can still see it so it's certainly not removed but thanks for making me think that your first reaction was that it looks like something no one would want on their body.)

RL: "Are those scales?"

K: "Yeah, like the scales of justice."

RL: "Oh, do you work in a doctor's office?"

After that golden interaction, we regrouped in the hotel room for a picnic dinner and gathered our strength for the night ahead. We enjoyed a couple cocktails in the hotel room and then hopped on the "Deuce" (that's the unfortunate name they chose for their double decker public buses). Our plan was to try to hit all the ridiculous casinos/attractions. Our first stop: the roller coaster at Sahara. At $10/person, the price tag was a little steep but the fun we had combined with the savings we made on the $1 Miller High Lifes and $1 Kamikaze shots, we got our money's worth. Kate, making it her mission to stomp on all my dreams and rain on all my parades, refused to let me attempt the 6 lb burrito challenge (it's free if you finish it!) but I guess that just gives us a reason to come back...

We then headed over to Circus Circus/Slots-a-fun which was kind of a disappointment aside from the African Acrobats show - that shit is crazy after a few drinks.

Our next stop was another visit to TI in hopes of actually seeing the Sirens. We played penny slots and I drank a margarita out of a giant golden mug shaped like a skull while we waited. Tonight, the show did go on. And what a show it was. The show featured an epic battle between the Sirens and the crew of a pirate ship who had lost a shipmate to the sirens (much to his feigned chagrin). In order to rescue their comrade, the pirates fired their canons while the Sirens defended themselves with......song (guess who wins). This special effects extravaganza was packed with songs, shitty, half assed dancing and enough sexual innuendos to sink a pirate ship. In short, it was FANTASTIC.

We spent the rest of the night bouncing from casino to casino in search of cheap drinks. A little after midnight, we headed downtown to the really old casinos on Fremont St. in search of drunk food which was harder than anticipated to locate. Eventually, we got cheesesteaks in a shady looking restaurant in a past-its-prime casino and headed home.

All in all, I had a great time in Vegas and I think it was largely due to the limited amount of time we spent there. After a bit, I'm sure that all the stuff that I mentioned would start to wear on me but given a short window of time and the right attitude, you can have a great time.

And we're back.

The dream is over. Appropriately, as we were getting off the interstate to meet Kate's mom, the radio was playing "Back to life, back to reality." Ugh.

Ultimately, I was ready to be done. The trip was totally awesome but I'm ready to move on to the next stage of my life. We had a great time. We went to 25 states, 2 countries, 7 National Parks (one of which was an International Peace Park), and traveled 9679 miles. It was epic and I'm so glad we did it.

I will attempt to make an entry for each of the outstanding days starting tomorrow.

It beats getting a job.

KC Accidental

So, someone might have fallen behind on blogging. I swear I'm still going to catch up. I haven't had reliable internet in combination with an energy level sufficient to put all of our amazing adventures into the eloquent passages you readers have come to expect to find here. For this, I apologize.

We are currently in Kansas City about to head out to St. Louis to stay with one of Kate's friends. We had barbeque at Arthur Bryant's last night after an 8.5 hour drive from Denver. AB is a famous KC barbeque joint that has been visited by many famous people (as evidenced by the picture of Sarah Palin and John McCain diplomatically enjoy some BBQ on the wall). I got the ribs which were not fantastic but the sauce and french fries were pretty incredible. I really want to go back for lunch to give them another shot but I don't see that happening.

Since I last blogged, we have been in Las Vegas, Hoover Dam, Zion National Park, Bryce Canyon National Park, Salt Lake City, and Denver. Below, you will find a sampling of random pictures from these locations. Happy guessing as to where each one was taken.

Yes, that's a man in a bear suit playing wheelchair basketball.......and cheating.

Shenanigans

Kate and I have been spending this week in Palm Desert (Palm Springs), CA. This is our decompression week where we take a break from driving for a bit and just relax. Monday, our first full day here, was spent at Firestone. We went in to get the oil changed and to see if we had any brakes left. After waiting for about 2.5 hours, we were told that we needed to replace the rear rotors (or else the world would explode) and it would take another hour. Fine. We'll go to get some lunch and come back. We come back about 45 minutes later. After sitting around for another 45 minutes, we're told that they needed to get a part from the warehouse and were waiting for it to arrive. The part should arrive in about fifteen minutes and then they just need to slap it on the car. She made it sound like there was zero assembly time required for this. It was about another 1.5 hours after that that we finally walked out the door. We essentially put in a full day of work at Firestone. (I've been unemployed so long that my idea of work is now to sit all day while listening to music, reading a book and watching episodes of Charmed, Las Vegas, ER, and Law & Order).

The other day, we made the mistake of sitting through a time share presentation. We were lured by the offer of a $75 gift certificate to the restaurant of our choice. We planned to use the gift certificate to go to a fancy dinner to celebrate Kate passing the bar. The good news is that we did NOT buy a timeshare despite being VERY tempted to. If it were like 4 months from now and we had sat through the same presentation, we almost certainly would be timeshare owners.......in Palm Springs. If we didn't have to pay to move and possibly pay rent without income for a short period of time, shit would have turned out different. They did a whole routine where they asked what our vacation goals were (this is the part where they get us dreaming about the possibility of super great vacations and then fulfill them by selling us a timeshare). We mentioned that we were going to Argentina in February of 2011. This, of course, is mostly a joke. Kate wants to go there because a bunch of our friends just got back from South America and she knows that she will want to escape the cold of Chicago in February. Based on the incentives that they were offering, it looked like we could get enough Marriott Reward points to pay for two round trip tickets and five nights in Buenos Aires. These people know what they are doing.

So, last night, we went out for the celebration dinner at Sullivan's Steakhouse. We both ate too much and the gift certificate helped enormously. Props to Kate for allowing me to ride her coat tails to the top. I'm super proud of her for putting up with the bullshit of law school and passing the bar.

Today, we headed over to Joshua Tree National Park. We took a short hike around Hidden Valley and then drove around the park a bit before heading back to the homestead.

Desert Sessions

Holy fuck! There is half an inch of snow on the ground. It was 70 degrees yesterday but today there is SNOW on the ground.

These are my first thoughts of October 4, 2009. After getting myself vertical and attempting to snap out of the bad mood that continually being woken up during the night by someone claiming that I was snoring had put me in, I rushed to pack the car. In the snow.

During our scurry to get out of the snow and get the f out of dodge, I, still in my shitty mood, am approached by a young asian woman. Outraged that she hasn't been able to read my mood from 20 feet away and that she can't tell that we're leaving, I offer a grimace. She tells us that she and her friend have just arrived from Korea and they did not expect it to be so cold. Do we happen to know the weather forecast.

"I don't know that shit. Leave me alone."

But then out loud I was accidentally polite and told her that I wasn't sure of the weather forecast and wished her luck.

After successfully fulfilling the tall order of packing the car in the snow, who do we notice has once again invited themselves into our campsite? DA BEARS. We got pictures this time.

Realizing that we now have food in the car (and that's a no-no), we hightailed it out of their before the bears recognized the intoxicating scent of our nutty buddies. We had planned to take showers in the morning and then head to the Mariposa Grove to look at some big fucking trees (sequoias, they're commonly called). So, we headed to the valley to find showers. Kate and I, having fully established our hatred of cleanliness, decided that we would wait until we arrived in Palm Springs and could take a comfortable, free shower without the fear that our hair would freeze. So, we waited for Liz to shower who has reasonable personal grooming habits and had to sit next to people on a plane later in the day.

With a freshly showered Liz, we embarked on our trip to the Mariposa Grove with the intention of continuing on to Fresno where we would drop Liz at the airport. On our way out of the valley, we discover that the road to the grove is closed due to the snow unless you have snow chains for your tires. Needless to say, we have none. No big fucking trees for us.

So, we cancel the stop and just get the hell out of dodge hoping that we can get rid of Liz before her flight. The rest of the trip was uneventul. We dropped Liz off on time. Kate and I ate Jack in the Box. We got to Palm Desert around 6:30, made some spaghetti and went to sleep.

Driving through the California desert was pretty crazy. I don't know if I had ever realized how big it is and how much crazy government crap is probably going on out here. We passed by Edwards Airforce base and I saw a weapons testing range on the map that was probably bigger than Rhode Island.

Taking 'er easy

Upon awaking the next day aftere the death march, we vowed to take it easy. We talked about going for another, shorter hike but knew that we were probably just kidding ourselves. We decided to do a bit of driving tour of Yosemite with stops up at Glacier Point and at Tunnel View (which is essentially the point from which most postcard photographs are taken....it's pretty). The trail head for Sentinel Dome is on Glacier Point Road and we discussed making the two mile hike but ultimately decided against it when we got up there.

This morning was bearless. (Sad face)

We started our drive up Glacier Point Rd and I noticed Richard's brakes (Richard is our 2004 Honda Accord) making a grating/scraping noise. This is not something that you want to hear on a mountain road. However, it appeared that Richard was having no trouble stopping (he just insisted on complaining a bit about the torture we've put him through over the last couple weeks) and I was only putting the lives of my wife and Liz in danger so it didn't really seem like an emergency. After a bit of driving, we arrived at Washburn Point. Washburn Point is like a mile from Glacier Point and affords visitors almost an identical view. After stopping at Washburn Point, I'm convinced that when my parents took me to Yosemite as a child they stopped at Washburn Point and told us it was Glacier Point because they didn't want to put up with the crowds. I literally remembered nothing from the real Glacier Point and my memory of Glacier Point looked exactly like Washburn. Damn my parents. Anyway, after a brief stop at Washburn Point to take a couple pictures, we soldiered on to Glacier Point to eat lunch and enjoy the view.

Glacier Point (much like Washburn Point) is incredible. You can see for miles. It overlooks the entire Yosemite Valley and has a sheer drop of about 3000 feet to the valley floor. Some people had climbed over certain fences to sunbathe on rocks or just hang out. I, once again thinking about Real TV/America's Funniest Home Videos, decided to stay where the rangers wanted me. The view was certainly good enough from there. There is one outcropping of rock that people used to climb out on and do crazy things for pictures that is now closed off.

We fought off the relentless bee attacks while we ate our lunch of Nutty Buddies, Salt and Pepper Kettle Krinkle Cut Potato chips (best chips ever) and leftover pizza from the previous night. Afterwards, we sat and read books for a bit while we looked out over the (Christian) Lord's creation.

I spent a little time reading the night before in our guidebook about the history of Yosemite. Turns out, the first europeans to stumble upon the valley where men from the Mariposa Battalion who had been sent to kill Indians that they believed were trying to steal "their" gold. Fun fact #2: The name Yosemite is believed to come from the Ahwatchee word for bear (uzumate) which was misunderstood by a member of the Mariposa Battalion. The initial spelling was Yosemity.

From Glacier Point, we headed toward Yosemite Village with a stop at Tunnel View for a photo. We went to the Yosemite Lodge because we understood that we could reconnect with civilization there via the interweb. I had been wondering all day about the score of the Buckeyes football match and when I got online I discovered the game had yet to be played. I headed over to the Sportsbar that is part of the lodge compound and spoke to the manager who told me that he was pretty sure they had Big Ten Network and we would be able to watch the game. Hopes = up. I go tell Kate and Liz the good news. They are excited to sit and drink beer and watch football. I head back over to the sports bar to get us a table. The manager has no disappeared. I stood around sheepishly for a little while before I got up the nerve to ask one of the waiters. The interaction was pretty fantastic.

"Um, so, uh, I was, uh, in here about fifteen minutes ago and I spoke to a guy. And he was the manager. And he SAID that I could watch the football game and that you guys had the Big Ten Network and you would turn it on for me."

"OK, what game was it?"

"It's the Ohio State game. The Ohio State-Indiana game. Ohio State Buckeyes and The Indiana University Hoosiers. It's on the Big Ten Network and I would like to watch it. And we'll buy beer if you show it to us."

The guy has me follow him over to the bar to assist in the search for the channel. He goes through the channels a bit and stops on each college football game as though I didn't tell him that it was on the Big Ten Network.

"I think it's on the Big Ten Network," I say again trying not to sound like an obsessive dick.

After a few minutes, it becomes clear that they do NOT have the Big Ten Network and we will not be able to watch the game. Conveniently for him, the manager has still not shown his face and escapes with his life. I, on the other hand, leave the establishment feeling dejected and fooled.

It looked as though they had all the Fox Sports regional channels and I could have watst Blched the first Bluejackets game of the year. It seemed unlikely that Liz and Kate and Liz would indulge this request so I kept it to myself in an attempt to not appear totally absorbed by sports.

Personal victory of the day: As we arrived at the Yosemite lodge to use the internets, the place was crawling with Frenchies (this is the preferred nomenclature). As I was walking to the sports bar for the first time, there was a group of them assembled around a couple of squirrels and a few of them were taking pictures. I, totally oblivious to this, walked right through the group and scared the squirrels away. The Frenchies pretended to be upset and were jokingly chastising me for ruining everything. One of them asked what I did as I made it out of the group and I, without missing a beat, replied in French that I had done nothing. The whole group was flabbergasted and so impressed with my french skills that they welcomed me as one of their own and insisted that I spend the rest of the evening with them drinking Kir Royales and eating cheese. Some of this story is a fabrication.

Death March

Our first day in Yosemite started with a wonderful surprise. When we checked into our campground, we had been told that there was a family of bears that frequented the area. They weren't kidding. First thing in the morning, literally as soon as I got out of the tent, I am greeted by the sight of a Mama Bear and two of her cubs. They're just sniffing around the neighboring camp site like it's no big deal. Soon enough, they got bored with the neighboring camp site and wandered into ours. This arrival was met with our quick evacuation. Luckily, we had followed all the precautions regarding bears and were able to escape with our lives and property.

With a new lease on life, we headed to Yosemite Valley. Our first stop was the visitors center where we consulted a friendly ranger about what hike we should do. Without missing a beat, the ranger told us to hike Vernal Falls after explaining what we were looking for in a hike. The excursion to the top of the falls was about 3 miles round trip and gained approximately 1000 feet in elevation the last few hundred of which are conquered by braving switchback after switchback and climbing approximately 600 stone steps.

We had looked in our Yosemite guidebook the previous night to figure which hike we wanted to do without reaching a conclusion. Liz or Kate remembered that we had considered doing this hike but ultimately rejected it. When we arrived at the trailhead, we remembered the reason. This is the most popular hike in the entire park and despite being late in the season, the trail was packed. It did not appear that it would offer the solitude that at least I was searching for in the wilderness.

After reaching the summit of the falls, we ate some lunch, chilled out a bit and decided to be brave and conquer Nevada Falls which was only a mile and a half away. Nevada Falls is an almost 600 ft waterfall (Vernal was a measly four hundred) and it seemed foolish to let the largest waterfall on the Merced River think that it was hot stuff or that we were afraid of it. Nothing could be further from the truth. We set out on our quest with the understanding that this ascent would be more gradual than the previous one that had taken its toll on all three of us. We had also convinced ourselves that it was only another four hundred feet in elevation (how we were to ascend a 600 ft waterfall and only gain 400 feet in elevation was something that I couldn't take the time to concern myself with in the moment). In reality, we gained another 1000 feet and it was JUST AS STEEP. We were consoled, however, with the knowledge that we could an alternate route for the descent which was more moderate in its decline (this turned out to actually be true but by the time we made our descent our legs were so tired that this was also painful). The view was worth it. The sense of accomplishment was worth it. I love looking out on mountain valleys and seeing all that open space. It's an unbelievable feeling. I don't know that everyone else in my party felt similarly but it was totally worth the effort.

By the time we got back down to the valley floor and back to the car, it was getting dark. We did not feel like setting up the camp stove and cooking in the dark after our 7 mile, 2000 foot hike so we hit up a pizzeria in Yosemite Village. I don't know if it was exhaustion or not but that pizza was DELICIOUS.

I was tired after the hike...