And we're back.

The dream is over. Appropriately, as we were getting off the interstate to meet Kate's mom, the radio was playing "Back to life, back to reality." Ugh.

Ultimately, I was ready to be done. The trip was totally awesome but I'm ready to move on to the next stage of my life. We had a great time. We went to 25 states, 2 countries, 7 National Parks (one of which was an International Peace Park), and traveled 9679 miles. It was epic and I'm so glad we did it.

I will attempt to make an entry for each of the outstanding days starting tomorrow.

It beats getting a job.

KC Accidental

So, someone might have fallen behind on blogging. I swear I'm still going to catch up. I haven't had reliable internet in combination with an energy level sufficient to put all of our amazing adventures into the eloquent passages you readers have come to expect to find here. For this, I apologize.

We are currently in Kansas City about to head out to St. Louis to stay with one of Kate's friends. We had barbeque at Arthur Bryant's last night after an 8.5 hour drive from Denver. AB is a famous KC barbeque joint that has been visited by many famous people (as evidenced by the picture of Sarah Palin and John McCain diplomatically enjoy some BBQ on the wall). I got the ribs which were not fantastic but the sauce and french fries were pretty incredible. I really want to go back for lunch to give them another shot but I don't see that happening.

Since I last blogged, we have been in Las Vegas, Hoover Dam, Zion National Park, Bryce Canyon National Park, Salt Lake City, and Denver. Below, you will find a sampling of random pictures from these locations. Happy guessing as to where each one was taken.

Yes, that's a man in a bear suit playing wheelchair basketball.......and cheating.

Shenanigans

Kate and I have been spending this week in Palm Desert (Palm Springs), CA. This is our decompression week where we take a break from driving for a bit and just relax. Monday, our first full day here, was spent at Firestone. We went in to get the oil changed and to see if we had any brakes left. After waiting for about 2.5 hours, we were told that we needed to replace the rear rotors (or else the world would explode) and it would take another hour. Fine. We'll go to get some lunch and come back. We come back about 45 minutes later. After sitting around for another 45 minutes, we're told that they needed to get a part from the warehouse and were waiting for it to arrive. The part should arrive in about fifteen minutes and then they just need to slap it on the car. She made it sound like there was zero assembly time required for this. It was about another 1.5 hours after that that we finally walked out the door. We essentially put in a full day of work at Firestone. (I've been unemployed so long that my idea of work is now to sit all day while listening to music, reading a book and watching episodes of Charmed, Las Vegas, ER, and Law & Order).

The other day, we made the mistake of sitting through a time share presentation. We were lured by the offer of a $75 gift certificate to the restaurant of our choice. We planned to use the gift certificate to go to a fancy dinner to celebrate Kate passing the bar. The good news is that we did NOT buy a timeshare despite being VERY tempted to. If it were like 4 months from now and we had sat through the same presentation, we almost certainly would be timeshare owners.......in Palm Springs. If we didn't have to pay to move and possibly pay rent without income for a short period of time, shit would have turned out different. They did a whole routine where they asked what our vacation goals were (this is the part where they get us dreaming about the possibility of super great vacations and then fulfill them by selling us a timeshare). We mentioned that we were going to Argentina in February of 2011. This, of course, is mostly a joke. Kate wants to go there because a bunch of our friends just got back from South America and she knows that she will want to escape the cold of Chicago in February. Based on the incentives that they were offering, it looked like we could get enough Marriott Reward points to pay for two round trip tickets and five nights in Buenos Aires. These people know what they are doing.

So, last night, we went out for the celebration dinner at Sullivan's Steakhouse. We both ate too much and the gift certificate helped enormously. Props to Kate for allowing me to ride her coat tails to the top. I'm super proud of her for putting up with the bullshit of law school and passing the bar.

Today, we headed over to Joshua Tree National Park. We took a short hike around Hidden Valley and then drove around the park a bit before heading back to the homestead.

Desert Sessions

Holy fuck! There is half an inch of snow on the ground. It was 70 degrees yesterday but today there is SNOW on the ground.

These are my first thoughts of October 4, 2009. After getting myself vertical and attempting to snap out of the bad mood that continually being woken up during the night by someone claiming that I was snoring had put me in, I rushed to pack the car. In the snow.

During our scurry to get out of the snow and get the f out of dodge, I, still in my shitty mood, am approached by a young asian woman. Outraged that she hasn't been able to read my mood from 20 feet away and that she can't tell that we're leaving, I offer a grimace. She tells us that she and her friend have just arrived from Korea and they did not expect it to be so cold. Do we happen to know the weather forecast.

"I don't know that shit. Leave me alone."

But then out loud I was accidentally polite and told her that I wasn't sure of the weather forecast and wished her luck.

After successfully fulfilling the tall order of packing the car in the snow, who do we notice has once again invited themselves into our campsite? DA BEARS. We got pictures this time.

Realizing that we now have food in the car (and that's a no-no), we hightailed it out of their before the bears recognized the intoxicating scent of our nutty buddies. We had planned to take showers in the morning and then head to the Mariposa Grove to look at some big fucking trees (sequoias, they're commonly called). So, we headed to the valley to find showers. Kate and I, having fully established our hatred of cleanliness, decided that we would wait until we arrived in Palm Springs and could take a comfortable, free shower without the fear that our hair would freeze. So, we waited for Liz to shower who has reasonable personal grooming habits and had to sit next to people on a plane later in the day.

With a freshly showered Liz, we embarked on our trip to the Mariposa Grove with the intention of continuing on to Fresno where we would drop Liz at the airport. On our way out of the valley, we discover that the road to the grove is closed due to the snow unless you have snow chains for your tires. Needless to say, we have none. No big fucking trees for us.

So, we cancel the stop and just get the hell out of dodge hoping that we can get rid of Liz before her flight. The rest of the trip was uneventul. We dropped Liz off on time. Kate and I ate Jack in the Box. We got to Palm Desert around 6:30, made some spaghetti and went to sleep.

Driving through the California desert was pretty crazy. I don't know if I had ever realized how big it is and how much crazy government crap is probably going on out here. We passed by Edwards Airforce base and I saw a weapons testing range on the map that was probably bigger than Rhode Island.

Taking 'er easy

Upon awaking the next day aftere the death march, we vowed to take it easy. We talked about going for another, shorter hike but knew that we were probably just kidding ourselves. We decided to do a bit of driving tour of Yosemite with stops up at Glacier Point and at Tunnel View (which is essentially the point from which most postcard photographs are taken....it's pretty). The trail head for Sentinel Dome is on Glacier Point Road and we discussed making the two mile hike but ultimately decided against it when we got up there.

This morning was bearless. (Sad face)

We started our drive up Glacier Point Rd and I noticed Richard's brakes (Richard is our 2004 Honda Accord) making a grating/scraping noise. This is not something that you want to hear on a mountain road. However, it appeared that Richard was having no trouble stopping (he just insisted on complaining a bit about the torture we've put him through over the last couple weeks) and I was only putting the lives of my wife and Liz in danger so it didn't really seem like an emergency. After a bit of driving, we arrived at Washburn Point. Washburn Point is like a mile from Glacier Point and affords visitors almost an identical view. After stopping at Washburn Point, I'm convinced that when my parents took me to Yosemite as a child they stopped at Washburn Point and told us it was Glacier Point because they didn't want to put up with the crowds. I literally remembered nothing from the real Glacier Point and my memory of Glacier Point looked exactly like Washburn. Damn my parents. Anyway, after a brief stop at Washburn Point to take a couple pictures, we soldiered on to Glacier Point to eat lunch and enjoy the view.

Glacier Point (much like Washburn Point) is incredible. You can see for miles. It overlooks the entire Yosemite Valley and has a sheer drop of about 3000 feet to the valley floor. Some people had climbed over certain fences to sunbathe on rocks or just hang out. I, once again thinking about Real TV/America's Funniest Home Videos, decided to stay where the rangers wanted me. The view was certainly good enough from there. There is one outcropping of rock that people used to climb out on and do crazy things for pictures that is now closed off.

We fought off the relentless bee attacks while we ate our lunch of Nutty Buddies, Salt and Pepper Kettle Krinkle Cut Potato chips (best chips ever) and leftover pizza from the previous night. Afterwards, we sat and read books for a bit while we looked out over the (Christian) Lord's creation.

I spent a little time reading the night before in our guidebook about the history of Yosemite. Turns out, the first europeans to stumble upon the valley where men from the Mariposa Battalion who had been sent to kill Indians that they believed were trying to steal "their" gold. Fun fact #2: The name Yosemite is believed to come from the Ahwatchee word for bear (uzumate) which was misunderstood by a member of the Mariposa Battalion. The initial spelling was Yosemity.

From Glacier Point, we headed toward Yosemite Village with a stop at Tunnel View for a photo. We went to the Yosemite Lodge because we understood that we could reconnect with civilization there via the interweb. I had been wondering all day about the score of the Buckeyes football match and when I got online I discovered the game had yet to be played. I headed over to the Sportsbar that is part of the lodge compound and spoke to the manager who told me that he was pretty sure they had Big Ten Network and we would be able to watch the game. Hopes = up. I go tell Kate and Liz the good news. They are excited to sit and drink beer and watch football. I head back over to the sports bar to get us a table. The manager has no disappeared. I stood around sheepishly for a little while before I got up the nerve to ask one of the waiters. The interaction was pretty fantastic.

"Um, so, uh, I was, uh, in here about fifteen minutes ago and I spoke to a guy. And he was the manager. And he SAID that I could watch the football game and that you guys had the Big Ten Network and you would turn it on for me."

"OK, what game was it?"

"It's the Ohio State game. The Ohio State-Indiana game. Ohio State Buckeyes and The Indiana University Hoosiers. It's on the Big Ten Network and I would like to watch it. And we'll buy beer if you show it to us."

The guy has me follow him over to the bar to assist in the search for the channel. He goes through the channels a bit and stops on each college football game as though I didn't tell him that it was on the Big Ten Network.

"I think it's on the Big Ten Network," I say again trying not to sound like an obsessive dick.

After a few minutes, it becomes clear that they do NOT have the Big Ten Network and we will not be able to watch the game. Conveniently for him, the manager has still not shown his face and escapes with his life. I, on the other hand, leave the establishment feeling dejected and fooled.

It looked as though they had all the Fox Sports regional channels and I could have watst Blched the first Bluejackets game of the year. It seemed unlikely that Liz and Kate and Liz would indulge this request so I kept it to myself in an attempt to not appear totally absorbed by sports.

Personal victory of the day: As we arrived at the Yosemite lodge to use the internets, the place was crawling with Frenchies (this is the preferred nomenclature). As I was walking to the sports bar for the first time, there was a group of them assembled around a couple of squirrels and a few of them were taking pictures. I, totally oblivious to this, walked right through the group and scared the squirrels away. The Frenchies pretended to be upset and were jokingly chastising me for ruining everything. One of them asked what I did as I made it out of the group and I, without missing a beat, replied in French that I had done nothing. The whole group was flabbergasted and so impressed with my french skills that they welcomed me as one of their own and insisted that I spend the rest of the evening with them drinking Kir Royales and eating cheese. Some of this story is a fabrication.

Death March

Our first day in Yosemite started with a wonderful surprise. When we checked into our campground, we had been told that there was a family of bears that frequented the area. They weren't kidding. First thing in the morning, literally as soon as I got out of the tent, I am greeted by the sight of a Mama Bear and two of her cubs. They're just sniffing around the neighboring camp site like it's no big deal. Soon enough, they got bored with the neighboring camp site and wandered into ours. This arrival was met with our quick evacuation. Luckily, we had followed all the precautions regarding bears and were able to escape with our lives and property.

With a new lease on life, we headed to Yosemite Valley. Our first stop was the visitors center where we consulted a friendly ranger about what hike we should do. Without missing a beat, the ranger told us to hike Vernal Falls after explaining what we were looking for in a hike. The excursion to the top of the falls was about 3 miles round trip and gained approximately 1000 feet in elevation the last few hundred of which are conquered by braving switchback after switchback and climbing approximately 600 stone steps.

We had looked in our Yosemite guidebook the previous night to figure which hike we wanted to do without reaching a conclusion. Liz or Kate remembered that we had considered doing this hike but ultimately rejected it. When we arrived at the trailhead, we remembered the reason. This is the most popular hike in the entire park and despite being late in the season, the trail was packed. It did not appear that it would offer the solitude that at least I was searching for in the wilderness.

After reaching the summit of the falls, we ate some lunch, chilled out a bit and decided to be brave and conquer Nevada Falls which was only a mile and a half away. Nevada Falls is an almost 600 ft waterfall (Vernal was a measly four hundred) and it seemed foolish to let the largest waterfall on the Merced River think that it was hot stuff or that we were afraid of it. Nothing could be further from the truth. We set out on our quest with the understanding that this ascent would be more gradual than the previous one that had taken its toll on all three of us. We had also convinced ourselves that it was only another four hundred feet in elevation (how we were to ascend a 600 ft waterfall and only gain 400 feet in elevation was something that I couldn't take the time to concern myself with in the moment). In reality, we gained another 1000 feet and it was JUST AS STEEP. We were consoled, however, with the knowledge that we could an alternate route for the descent which was more moderate in its decline (this turned out to actually be true but by the time we made our descent our legs were so tired that this was also painful). The view was worth it. The sense of accomplishment was worth it. I love looking out on mountain valleys and seeing all that open space. It's an unbelievable feeling. I don't know that everyone else in my party felt similarly but it was totally worth the effort.

By the time we got back down to the valley floor and back to the car, it was getting dark. We did not feel like setting up the camp stove and cooking in the dark after our 7 mile, 2000 foot hike so we hit up a pizzeria in Yosemite Village. I don't know if it was exhaustion or not but that pizza was DELICIOUS.

I was tired after the hike...

Anchor Brewing Tour etc.

This was the day we were waiting for. Due to the extreme dilligence of one Elizabeth Ralph, we were able to get into a free tour of the Anchor Brewing Company. The plan was to get up early(ish), walk down to downtown Sausalito, and get on the bus so we could be in the city and at the brewery so we could scope things out before the tour began. The goal was not to waste any time looking at the memorabilia after the tour so that time for free samples could be maximimized. Liz had been on the tour before so she had a strategy worked out to make sure that we were first in line for the tasting. The key was to get to the front of the group when in the bottling room in order to make a sprint to the tap room. Liz and Kate were pissed at me because I didn't push an elderly man out of our way in order to get to the front sooner. Despite this enormous gaffe on my part, we were still able to get to the head of the pack. This turned out to not even really matter because it seemed as though everyone got a standard amount of beer. Liz claimed that the last time she went, at some point, the tour guide just allowed a free for all on beer and she was able to get trashed. This was not our experience though we did receive several generous "tastes;" enough to get a reasonable buzz going.

The tour was very interesting. I was tempted throughout the whole thing to ask nerdy questions to let the dude know that I brew and then decided against it because I'm not quite that douchey. One of the reasons that Anchor's signature beer is called steam beer is that they use the cool air to ferment it rather than ice/refrigeration. The beer ferments in big open tubs for a couple of days and then goes into takes for secondary fermentation. As you might imagine, because the tubs are open, the beer loses some of its carbonation. So, in order to preserve natural carbonation, Anchor mixes 85% three day fermented beer with 15% 1 day fermented beer. (The 1 day fermented has more sugar left to be converted to alcohol releasing c02 in the process).

After the tour, we started out on our quest to make our buzzes last for the rest of the day until Liz's sister was off work and ready to drive our drunk asses home. The plan was to walk towards her office and make several stops at various watering holes along the way. You know, just see the city.

Our first stop was at a pizza place just down the hill from the Anchor Brewing Company. We got a margherita pizza and something called pizza "cannibal" with sausage and egg on it - it was incredible and I'm pretty sure it wasn't just the beer.

After Pizza Nostra, we headed toward Market St and had more trouble than we expected finding places to buy/drink alcohol. Eventually, we saw Sellers Markets which had draft beer and was the first reasonable place (i.e. no strippers) on Market St that we passed. So, we stopped and had a beer as our buzzes were certainly endangered and almost extinct at this point. We had walked much further than we originally anticipated for the first leg of our pilgrimage.

We then went to the Ferry Building (which is on the water) and had an over priced beer while we looked out at the water. Kate and Liz got dulce de leche gelato and taunted me with it. After our visit to the ferry building, it was about 5 o'clock and we met up with Rebecca to go back to Sausalito.

Our total walk from the Anchor to the Ferry Building was just over 3 miles. I wanted to post a Gmaps Pedometer image of our route but was too dumb to figure out how to do it.