Update

PENO is apparently in town with Chris this weekend. I just texted Dan to go fight him.


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Non Double Brother Thoughts

Last night. Wow. Kate and I went with some friends to play whirlyball. If you're not familiar with whirly ball, let me just tell you: it is amazing. Words do not do it justice. I'm not going to attempt to describe it myself. I'm just going link to the whirly ball website and let you discover it yourself. I did find this bit of text amusing though:

Agility. Speed. Strength. None of these qualities will be of any use
in the highly-competitive world of WhirlyBall. Although it combines lacrosse,
hockey and basketball with bumper cars, WhirlyBall has caused great athletes of
every stripe to laugh and holler their way to a crushing defeat.

Sounds awesome, right? But I haven't even mentioned the best part yet. Whirlyball = BYOB. Your mind just exploded. That's right. You can play this ridiculous sport/game and get absolutely schwasted in the process. There are no sobriety tests. There are no cops to pull you over. They even provide a refrigerator for you to keep your brews cold.

Here is the website: http://www.whirlyball.com/what/

So, possibly even better than whirlyball itself were the arrangements for getting there. The organizer of this soiree, in his infinite wisdom, had the awesome idea to rent a 20 person party bus to drive us to the whirlyball rink/arena/court/whatever. So, the plan was for everyone to meet at a central location and then board the bus and head over to the rink/arena/court/whatever. Prior to leaving, Kate had a couple of beers and had the AWESOME idea that we should probably grab drinks for the walk over to the meeting place. I LOVE it when Kate comes up with ideas like this. It seemed like something one of my asshole friends would suggest. She is not always super excited about doing seemingly unreasonable/irresponsible things like this so when she suggested it I knew it was going to be a good night. So, I grabbed a water bottle (it seemed more discreet than a bottle in a paperbag) and pour in about 5 ounces of Seagram's 7 and topped the water bottle off with ginger ale. It was DELICIOUS. Needless to say, the walk over was delightful. When we arrived, we had a beer after finishing the Ginger 7s and prepared for the arrival of the party bus. When it arrived, we jokingly asked the driver if we could drink on the bus. The response, "Yeah, just don't throw any on the floor." Jackpot. As we were driving over to the rink/arena/court/whatever and "It's Gettin' Hot in Herr" was playing, I thought to myself, "Life is good."

Another great thing about this whole set up were all the incentives to drink. Oh, I've gotta finish my beer before I get on the party bus (yes, I realize this makes no sense but this was my thought process). Oh, we've arrived at the rink/arena/court/whatever, I need to take care of this beer. I better drink up so I can play whirlyball. Oh, I just played whirlyball. I haven't had a drink in ten minutes. I better crack another one open. At one point, I got roped into shotgunning a beer outside (we're civilized) and a family was on their way out of the rink/arena/court/whatever. Uh oh. Fun's over. Nope, they were highly amused and acted as though they wanted to join. Whirly ball players = salt of the fucking earth.

We then took the party bus back to our friend's house and played flip cup. It was a good night.

Not such a great morning.

It Begins.

Fuck. I have a blog. Now, I am opening myself up to everybody's judgement. People will now know how clever I am not. You all will now discover how shallow I am.

The blog was titled with the objective to keep track of my efforts to become "Double Brothers" with my younger brother. However, in between naming the blog and writing this first post, I came to the realization that there was no way I would be able to maintain that much focus and that this will inevitably become diarrhea of the mouth at some point. So, with that in mind, I've decided to keep the name (largely due to the fact that I'm not sure of how to change it) and make the blog as general as I feel like with occasional updates about what is going on with the blog's namesake operation.

So, I probably owe my vast readership an explanation as to what being a "Double Brother" entails and how the mission can be completed. Basically, the plan is for my brother and I to marry sisters so that we would be both biological brothers and brothers-in-law. It sounds really lame when I type it out but I can assure you, dear reader, that this is a totally awesome plan and will grant my brother and I benefits that we never could have dreamed of. Some obvious benefits off the top of my head: having a double brother (in your faces all you twins), greater ease in holiday travel planning (everyone will HAVE to come to us), possibility for Double Cousins and way more high-fiving.

The progress so far is that I've totally done my part. I'm now waiting for my brother to pick up the slack. 12 bliss-filled days ago, I married my wife of 12 days. She is a lovely woman - smart, kind, funny, a hell of a drinker and best of all, SHE HAS A SISTER. You may have followed her rivetting account of our (her) wedding planning experience at kategetsmarried.blogspot.com. Most likely, if you're reading this, you probably did. So, now, as far as I'm concerned, it's up to my brother to do his part. I found a wife with a sister (who looks nothing like a horse). He just has to woo her. I mean, I can open the door for him but he has to walk through it himself.

To be fair, there has been some progress but there are some complications. First, the progress. Daniel (my brother) and Chris (Kate's sister) have each other's phone numbers and text bomb one another fairly regularly from what I can tell. A few weeks ago, they, both being in greek organizations, were matched for Greek Week. This is probably the source of our greatest progress to date. This led to them getting drunk together (double good) and lots of bonding. There are many facebook pictures of them hugging and looking generally chummy. Shortly after Greek Week, the two of them drove up for Kate's graduation and spent the weekend with us. So, there was lots of QT in the car and when they arrived they seemed to be super besties. In addition, they got some time together at our wedding as they were both in the wedding party. I'm hoping that these three recent events have created a critical mass that will lead to the inevitable chain reaction of Dan and Chris being married to one another this time next year.

Unfortunately, there is a major obstacle in the way of that happening. That obstacle's name is Jon. There are rumors that Chris may be "in like" or even "in like like" with Jon. You will notice that Jon is not Daniel. They are two completely different people. So, if Chris is dating Jon, it is to presumed that she will not be married to Daniel. This is a problem. This is why we will be targeting Jon as Public Enemy Number One (or PENO for short) to OPERATION: Double Brothers. Sadly, I fear that it is going to take a lot to overcome our nemesis because I have talked to him on the phone and he doesn't seem to be a total douche bag. Some of his best qualities: he laughs at my jokes and picks up on my Terminator references. Despite these stellar traits, I believe if we fight the good (dirty) fight we can vanquish Daniel's competition. Working against PENO is the fact that this a long distance situation because Jon lives in D.C. and that he is not my brother. Irregardless, we are willing to do whatever it takes to break them up and have Dan waiting as a shoulder to cry on. He will then take advantage of the trust that he has built from being that shoulder to cry on and move things into romance territory. That's the plan.

Aside from Jon, there is another obstacle. That obstacle is Daniel. It's possible that Chris isn't actually "attracted" to Daniel. Daniel certainly has many fine traits - he picks up on more movie references than just Terminator, plays intramural hockey and is my brother - but I will admit that he has some downsides. Possibly the biggest problem (and this is saying a lot of someone that looks like a giant baby) is that he is an "Enginerd." Chris has made fun of him multiple times for this and I believe she texted him the other day for no other reason than to call him an enginerd. Under different circumstances, I would strongly encourage this type of behavior but given the stated objectives of OPERATION: Double Brothers I don't think we can have this sort of thing going on. Despite the problems with Daniel's candidacy, he is my best hope. My older brother lives far away and is significantly older than Chris and I don't think I can convince my parents to adopt a 21 year old dude just for this purpose. I'm also not sure that we would technically be Double Brothers if the other guy was my adopted brother.

Anyway, I think that lays out everything. Strategy suggestions are welcome.