PENO

Well, ladies and gentlemen, I didn't anticipate this. With Jon out of the way (good job ODB Army), I figured it would be smooth sailing and clear skies from here on out. I was so confident that Operation: Double Brothers would be a success that I started designing all the memorabilia that we are going to sell (t-shirt, lunchboxes, condoms) with the ODB logo on it. Unfortunately, I didn't anticipate a new PENO would present himself so soon. I assumed it would take Chris a little while to get over Jon and that we wouldn't have major competition for awhile. I was deadly wrong. A new PENO has reared its ugly head and this one is even more intimidating than I could have ever imagined. This PENO is so terrifying because he is so powerful. He has already thwarted several attempts at securing this union between Daniel and Chris. First, he ruined our best and most clear cut shot at success when Chris gave Daniel a window of time to come down to Kentucky and marry her. Now, PENO is threatening to ruin the romantic weekend getaway to Chicago that I talked about in my last post. How is the new PENO so powerful you ask? He is so powerful because he knows all of our plans. He knows what we are going to do and when. He can anticipate everything and I fear he can not be stopped. He is two faced and he plays by his own set of rules. He is on the inside. He is the worst kind of vermin. He is a mole.

I present to you, PENO:

Ring Shopping

Interesting new developments on the ODB front. Chris is coming to visit Kate and I in Chicago for her birthday on January 28 (she'll be 47) and is desperately trying to convince Daniel to accompany her. (Why? Because she wants to marry him). If this were to happen, it would obviously create all sorts of great set up opportunities for the two of them to get romantical. For example, we've discussed creating some ridiculous situation where the only possible solution is to have Daniel and Chris sleep in Liz's bed. ("Oh, why don't you two take Liz's bed? Liz usually falls asleep on the couch with her bag of Cheetos anyway and she has to stay up late to catch Last Call with Carson Daly") Although posting this may significantly reduce the chance of them falling for this scheme considering they make up 50% of my readers...

So, in an effort to convince Daniel to come (who is babbling some nonsense about not wanting to skip his Friday classes), Chris placed a drunk dial to Daniel last night. Reportedly, they talked for over an hour and topics discussed include what type of engagement ring Chris wants (for realz) and an invitation to Daniel to go to Bourbon House in Burlington, KY and then stay with Chris at her mother's house (I can only assume this was an invitation to also share her bed).

Things are coming along very nicely and there seem to be no obstacles in the way. ODB WILL be a succcess.

Good riddance 2009

Well, 2009 is over. At this time last year, I was pretending to work at a job I wasn't very enthusiastic about and now I'm pretending to look for jobs that I'm not very enthusiastic about. In between, I got married and traveled a lot. It was a pretty awesome year.

Blogging > applying for jobs

So, it's been awhile since I updated on the actual mission of this blog. There have been some exciting new developments on the Operation: Double Brothers front over the past few months. There is good and bad news. First, the good: PENO is no more. Chris and PENO have broken up. Chris finally came to her senses and realized that Jon was NOT a Nye let alone my brother. This, obviously, is a great coup for Double Brothers (not that we had anything to do with engineering the breakup...). Now that Jon is no longer PENO, ODB would like to take this opportunity to wish him all the best. A new PENO has yet to be identified but I plan on doing some reconnaissance work over the holidays to identify targets that may need to be eliminated in order for Operation: Double Brothers to be successful.

Now, on to the bad: Daniel had a chance to marry Chris and did not prove himself up to the task. Last week, the family was gathered in Louisville, KY to mourn the passing of Roy E. (Kate and Chris' grandfather). In preparation for the funeral and visitation, family members were gathering pictures to display. The pictures that were selected were mostly of Roy at different phases of his life. However, one side was reserved for family. There quickly appeared to be a trend of including wedding pictures. Chris quickly realized that she, being a spinster and therefore of no worth to society, could not be included. Wanting more than anything to make it onto this portion of the board, Chris texted Dan and offered to marry him the following morning if he came down to Louisville so that she would not be excluded from this prestigious honor. Dan, citing some bullshit about not having a car, claimed he could not make it. Chris vowed that this was the last chance that she would give him but given Daniel's babyface and Chris' horseface, I think she'll soon realize that she's not going to do any better.

That John Denver was full of shit

After our delightful stay in the Mormon City, we began our drive to Denver which took us back through Wyoming. As is often the case on long days of driving, we were forced to stop for gas. About 80 miles after we filled up, the engine malfunction light comes on. Yippee! Kate looks in the owner's manual and learns that this usually indicates a problem with the emissions system.........or that we didn't put the gas cap back on properly. Like I said, it was 80 miles since we had filled up so it seemed unlikely that was the problem. Using our trusty GPS, we found a few Honda dealerships to call to see if our automobile was about to explode. At least two of them turned out to be motorcycle/lawnmower dealers and were no help. Finally we talked to someone who told us that we probably weren't in any immediate danger. Fortunately, we arrived in Denver (Aurora, CO, actually) safe and sound. We had a tame night in the hotel room and went to sleep.

Feeling a bit tired from our adventures in Vegas, Zion and SLC, we essentially decided to waste our time in Denver. We did have a nice picnic lunch in City Park and then took a short drive through downtown but after that we just ran some errands and watched football which we hadn't had an opportunity to do in awhile. So, sorry, Denver.

I bought new running shoes to replace the ones that I decided to leave on the curb in Minneapolis. Equipped with new kicks, I went for my first run in about...........5 months. The combination of being out of shape and running a mile high in elevation kicked my ass. I did two miles and thought I was going to die. Happily, I did not.

In order to cancel out the progress that I had made by running, Kate and I decided to go to Outback Steakhouse (which shared a parking lot with our cheap hotel) for a Blooming Onion (accept no substitutes). We made friends with the bartender, had a couple beers and went home.

We spent Monday morning sitting in a Honda dealership while they fixed our problem. It had something to do with an oxygen sensor and the catalytic converter. I stopped pretending to care about what the actual problem was once I understood the fact that the service would be free because of our warranty. Otherwise, it would have cost over $400. So, it looks like that extra $6 per month was not such a bad choice.

Nugswang!

Our final morning at Zion, we got up and drove east out of the park and saw some really great landscapes. We decided to make an impromptu side trip to Bryce Canyon National Park before heading to Salt Lake City to stay with my cousin, Matthew. This was time well spent. Bryce was incredible and the weather was perfect. We took a short hike on the Navajo Loop Trail which was not very long but was quite steep as we descended among the hoodoos. The trail took us right down into the canyon and gave us perspective as to how large the hoodoos are. They're big. I tried to take a few mental photos as we came out of the canyon because the view was really incredible and the pictures just don't do it justice.

So, following our hike, we headed out of the wilderness towards the booming metropolis of Salt Lake City. This drive featured an experimental stretch of highway where the Utah state government, in its infinite wisdom, is testing an 80 mph speed limit. That was cool.

When we arrived, Matthew had beers waiting for us (which we expected) and also had tickets to an NBA preseason game between the Utah Jazz and the Portland Trailblazers (we didn't expect this). So, after a bit of pregaming, we walked over to the arena to drink in a basketball arena. None of us had been to an NBA game before - preseason or otherwise and it turns out that even in a live setting we're not big fans. The biggest thrills were watching the Nu Skin dancers, the wheelchair basketball game in which the mascot participated and cheated, seeing Greg Oden, getting kicked out of seats that we hadn't paid for and were only marginally better than the ones that we had purchased and fighting for t-shirts that had been shot out of an air cannon.

The next day, our only full day in SLC, we had a full agenda. We saw the library. We walked around the Mormon temple/tabernacle/world domination headquarters and narrowly escaped recruitment. We took a drive into the mountains. We walked up Ensign Peak where the Mormons planned the city (this was billed as a "cakewalk" by Matthew which would have been an accurate description if it didn't gain almost 400 feet of elevation in 1/4 mile) and enjoyed a picnic lunch and a view of the Great Salt Lake in the distance. We watched You Got Served (road trip highlight). We went to a great mexican place for dinner called Red Iguana. We drank beer with a picture of a bear with crazy antlers on the label. We played balderdash. I don't know what more you could ask for.

Matthew's apartment was awesome. It was maybe 300 square feet. Even though there were only three of us, it felt like a huge party. Matthew was a great host and made us delicious english muffin breakfast sandwich and gave us his bed to sleep in. So, I've got no complaints.

We went to Zion National Park

It was really cool. At this point, I really don't know what to say. It was gorgeous. We went on a hike. I stalked a Quebecois family briefly (obvious highlight). We camped and cooked spaghetti. I didn't think that I had made a reservation but it turned out I had...I felt stupid. I want to go back. Here are some pictures.

We went to Hoover Dam on the way.