Another major development of this year's edition of the Memorial Day Massacre was the inaugural Daniel Booneyhands tournament. For those of you who are familiar with the game Edward Fortyhands, this is the same concept but played with the sweet, sweet nectar known as Boone's Farm. I got the idea (the best idea of my life) to do this a couple months ago and had been using any means necessary (coercion, blackmail, physical threats) to get people to agree to participate. The numbers were sketchy heading into the woods despite my making a facebook event. When the time came to buy provisions, I got a bit of stage fright when I saw all those bottles of neon colored goodness staring back at me. The thought of walking up to the cash register with 24 bottles of liquid diabetes was almost too much. But, after the amount of trash I had been talking over the last couple months, I decided I could not let good sense take control of me now.
Man, was that cashier impressed with us! The looks we got when placing 2 dozen bottles of the finest apple wine product on the conveyor belt were priceless. We were also quickly informed that in the State of Indiana, one is limited to only 15 bottles of alcohol per transaction. I guess that's what happens when we let a foreign born socialist into the White House...they start taking away our freedoms little by little. Fortunately, I was not alone so we were able to split the purchase into two transactions and get the provisions necessary for our event. While we were bagging everything up, a helpful employee came up and offered us special cloth wine caring bags to aid us in carrying the bottles free of charge. Apparently, it's not every day that someone comes in and drops $80 on Boone's Farm and this is something that they want to encourage at Marsh Supermarket in Bloomington, IN. Despite this friendly gesture, there were indications that our purchase was out of the ordinary. The guy that gave us the bags said, "Yeah, they should help you carry these....wherever it is that you're going" in such a way to suggest that my two males companions and I (two of us were wearing neckties over t-shirts) were going to go off and do something strange after consuming an excessive amount of wine product. He was way off.
The event itself was a smashing success. We had twelve participants with their hands taped to the bottles with pink duct tape (for Breast Cancer awareness - I wouldn't worry about that as a threat any more). My Aunt Nancy had the foresight to dig a small trench for competitors to "disqualify" themselves in. Her actions proved prophetic within about 15 seconds of the start of the event. Our winner finished in about 6 minutes. I got it all down in about 13 minutes - good for 4th place. The real intense battle was between Kate and Chris for the ladies' crown. Around the one hour mark, they each had about a quarter of a bottle left. Chris made her move. By the time Kate realized what was happening, it was too late. Despite heroic chugging efforts, she was just a second too late. Kate was clearly miffed at losing to her little sister but did not hold a grudge for long as the two of them immediately shared a touching moment at the trench.
All in all a great weekend even if ODB missed another opportunity to succeed.
